The Cerebral Owl

Panic That Has Nothing To Do With Disco

2009-12-31T17:30:00.001-08:00

Farewell, Bellingham. We've had a great time together.

I will miss you.

Short Words, No Type

2009-12-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

I found out this morning that I have to be totally moved out by tomorrow night. I found this out after I tossed and turned all night and got maybe - MAYBE - 3 hours of sleep. Not the restful kind, either. So I spent most of the day running errands (Spencer helped - thanks, Spence!) and packing. At 9:42 I called it quits because I'm so tired that I actually feel dizzy and nauseated. And not in a small way.

Non-witty, but possibly amusing if you're into slapstick, aside: Does anyone else lose their balance when they're tired? On a few occasions I've gotten out of bed early in the morning and promptly fallen over. End aside.

So everyone send me good thoughts for getting this all done tomorrow. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and I have no idea how I'm going to do it.

This is me for the rest of tonight.

Rebecca out.

You Are My Something-That-Doesn't-Cause-Cancer-And-Wrinkles Shine

2009-12-13T01:26:00.000-08:00

We all knew it was coming, and today it finally started. The long awaited, but never far away, FREAKOUT!

It's been bubbling up for a week or two, but tonight it is officially...official: I've started freaking out about moving and changing my entire life. Once again.

Freaking out is fairly familiar to me, and supposedly there's comfort in familiarity. However - and this is just my untested hypothesis - I kind of feel like I'd be a lot more comfortable if I could manage to NOT freak out. I know - crAZY thought. What can I say? I'm all wacky and stuff.

I really believe that the universe tends to give you not necessarily what you need, but what you expect. And I have tended, most of my life, to expect very little good to come my way. The whys and wherefores of that would take you on a fascinating journey of navel-gazing, and since I like to keep my navel under my shirt and away from prying eyes, I think I'll skip motivation and stick to the bare details.

This year I decided that I would be more honest about what I want out of life, and that I would try to expect more. Old habits and old dogs and old mismatched socks being what they are, I have my ups and downs and sometimes I'm still really cautious about expecting too much. But I'm trying, and all this is really to say that what I expect is friends who will be there, not just when they need someone, but when I do. I try to be a good friend, and being oh-so-very-slightly imperfect, I'm not always A+ material, but I think I mostly do a pretty good job. So why not expect that for me, right? It makes an odd kind of sense, if you squint and look at it sideways.

The universe has totally delivered on that one.*

Thanks, friends.

I wrote a song for you. Too bad Spencer makes it sound like "Tiny Dancer."

*A special shout-out to Kaitlin, who pretty much just met me, yet has gone far above and way beyond.

Zero Percent Interest Left In Me

2009-12-05T23:38:00.000-08:00

I got the loan for massage school, and I found an apartment!

You guys, this has been a terrible, terrible week. All sorts of ups and downs and...just awful. I'm pretty sure I cried more this week than I have in the past year. Maybe even the past two.

BUT.

I got a loan and an apartment, so I'm going to count it as a win.

This video is from the house concert I went to a couple of months ago. I'd so love to see Bitch play again; she has such an amazing presence live.

I Gave Thanks, But They Gave It Back.

2009-12-01T23:43:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out Kaitlin is actually not a life-like puppet. Oh, the disappointment! But we had some great food, watched some awesomely lame movies, had some more great food, and discovered we have something in common. Mine are the brown ones. Also - the dirtier ones.

We went to a mansion, but it was $8 to get in, so we were all "Suck it!" and walked around the grounds instead. This is my Evil Plotting face. You guys, I am never plotting something evil. But I am always on the lookout for places a serial killer could hide a body. Portland has lots of good places to hide a body. Just so you know.

And these are pictures of me TOTALLY DRUNK at Thanksgiving. JUST KIDDING, FAMILY! Kaitlin so wishes. These are the pictures I was tagged in on Facebook that apparently no one can see because Facebook is a bitch.

Me on the floor, Kaitlin on uppers:

To my right you can catch a glimpse of the world's most ridiculously large TV remote.

Someone cut off the top of my head. It didn't even hurt. Kaitlin laughed as the contents spilled out (dark chocolate, ginger cookies, confetti, and America's Next Top Model trivia. I know - I thought there were brains in there, too. We were both wrong).

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin

2009-11-26T01:00:00.001-08:00

Right up front, here are the 2 reasons for this post:

1) I see that I haven't posted in a week and I am feeling the pressure.

2) To totally freak my family out.

I was, of course, invited to spend Thanksgiving with Spencer and Chrissy. They, however, are going to Chrissy's aunt's house and spending the day with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm sure they're all very nice (lies. I'm not at all sure of that. How could I be? I don't know them), but...I was pretty neutral about this whole deal. Spencer and Chrissy - I heart you guys in mad ways. Thanksgiving is just not that big of a deal to me, and I was kind of meh about the plans.

So. My friend Kaitlin was all, "COME HAVE THANKSGIVING WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS IN PORTLAND!!!" (She asked over chat but, you guys, I'm POSITIVE she was sitting in front of her computer screaming it at me, hence the CAPS.)

After dithering over it for about a day, I remembered that I actually like to do stuff and I booked a seat on Amtrak.

Family, right now you are saying, "What's so freaky about that? You are a total amateur at freakishness."

But, family, I am about to blow your minds. Kaitlin is an online friend. I have never met her OR her friends. I AM GOING TO PORTLAND TO SPEND 2 DAYS WITH SOMEONE I HAVE ONLY COMMUNICATED WITH THROUGH ONLINE CHATTING AND TEXT MESSAGES.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am laughing at your horror.

It's okay - she's video chatted with one of our mutual friends, so I know she's real. Or a life-like puppet made by an extremely methodical serial killer.

See you all later.

OR NOT.

Twitter Is Not At All Like Sliced Bread

2009-11-19T00:18:00.000-08:00

I am currently in the midst of trying to figure out financing for massage therapy school.

Okay, here's the deal: You pay for my massage therapy program, and I will give you free massages* FOR LIFE. Still not convinced? Fine, I'll also make you cookies. FYI, that's a good deal. If you paid for a massage a week, $16k would last you about 5 years. Plus, I make really good cookies.

Also, if anyone knows of a sublet or room for rent in Harlem (the non-sketchy part) or Washington Heights, I need a furnished room for about $600 or less, starting around January 1st.

At the farmers market last Saturday:

Seen at WWU:

And next to it:

If my massage therapy school has a community white board I'm totally going to treat it like Twitter.

*That's massages, not "massages," just to be clear.

This Is The Post About My Trip To NYC

2009-11-07T17:30:00.000-08:00

I really can't believe I didn't get a single picture of falafel or cheesecake while I was in New York. The food is absolutely the second-best thing about that city - the first-best being, of course, these people:

Sara. Many a-person has lost both life and limb after falling for her innocent act. Do not be fooled.

Laura. Beautiful and heartless, she surrounds herself with others of her kind.

Sarah. Eats people alive.

You guys, my friends are kind of terrifying.

I stayed with Sara in Washington Heights.

When she wasn't working or in class, this is pretty much what we were doing:

I also went to a meditation workshop,

and found the Playground of the Americas. Impressive, I know.

I'm a terrible tourist. But I had a GREAT time.

And then I came home, applied to massage therapy school and got accepted, so I'm moving to New York in less than two months. Back across the country. Again. I wonder if there are really states in the middle, or if that's just a myth...

This Post Is Not About My Trip To NYC

2009-11-04T00:39:00.000-08:00

Hey! I have a blog!

Yeah. Are you going to do something about that?

What? You mean me?

That's Right, I Said [BLEEP], Oh You have GOT To Be Kidding Me

2009-10-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I got to see the poet/musician, Bitch, play at a small house concert almost around the corner from me.

She was...indescribable. (And now watch me try to describe her anyway.)

Charming. Witty. Intelligent. Friendly. Charismatic. Interesting. And just SO MUCH FUN to watch. She played the keyboard, piano, violin, guitar, and ukulele during the show, as well as a strand of bells tied around her ankle. Her songs are poetry set to music; complex and thought-provoking, yet often also laugh-out-loud funny. She actually reminds me of Sondheim - you don't so much leave humming her tunes, but you feel simultaneously energized and exhausted from the emotional wringer you've just gone through. At least I did.

There aren't many decent videos of her on youtube, and anyway her incredible presence loses a lot in translation. But. Here's a thank you video she made for the people who helped get her next album off the ground.

You guys, I've done more cool stuff here in 6 months than in the entire 2.5 years I lived in Jersey.

Considerably After The Fact, But Before The Fiction

2009-10-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

After I went to San Jose and drove back, with all the super safe pitcher-takin', my wee-est brother, Dave, came to visit.

That's his wee-ness in the middle, partially obscured by Spencer's need to be the center of attention at all times.

Dave has a pathological love of soft serve. He saw this sign and had a psychotic break from reality.

Turns out they actually have 49 flavors. His reality broke some more.

We went to a salmon festival, because for some strange and unknown reason a lot of people apparently like salmon, and these awesome musicians played what is possibly my favorite song ever. Adia makes a guest appearance in the bottom left corner.

Then we headed out to the beach to have a bonfire and the last s'mores of summer. The Last S'mores of Summer. That sounds like a GREAT movie.

We have not yet had the first s'mores of fall; we have not yet begun to eat!

Wee Dave sang a song he wrote himself, and I captured part of it for the generations of emo kids yet to come.

And then Spencer and Dave attempted Jack Johnson. Keep in mind this was a spur-of-the-moment-on-the-beach-with-Rebecca's-guitar-that-she-still-can't-play-but-it's-okay-because-she's-busy-eating-s'mores thing.

You should also know that the whole "break it down" thing is a joke. It's funny if you know Spencer's joking. Mostly just stupid if you think he's serious.

And then Dave went home to San Luis Obispo, where there are no clouds and no one has ever heard of the color green and everyone is sad.

In Which I Am Fodder For All Of You

2009-10-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

When I'm texting sometimes I accidentally hit the call button, so I routinely send text messages that read something along the lines of: "Oops, I just accidentally called you."

So today I got this text:

"I just pretend accidentally called you, for fun."

This Is My Journalist Hat, It Looks Just Like My Invisible Hat

2009-09-29T23:21:00.000-07:00

Because of the aforementioned existential crisis, and because of my EXTREMELY busy schedule of being unemployed and eating chocolate, my brain is currently incapable of thinking of blog posts.

So.

I am going to interview you. Because you are interesting, and I even like some of you. (SOME of you.)

If you want to be one of my interview minions, please leave a comment or email me or text me or send me a telepathic message (so far I have shown no psychic ability, but I'm expecting it to kick in any day now).

And give me some ideas of questions to ask.

Also, be aware that even if you don't tell me you want to be interviewed, I might ask you anyway. Feel totally free to say no if you don't care that I'll despise you forever.

Stay Tuned

2009-09-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

My existential crisis about turning 30 crept up on me over the last month, and now it has apparently decided to camp out for a while. I thought maybe it was going to bypass me completely, but I guess it was just running late.

Regular programming will resume once I've kicked this bitch to the curb.

In the meantime, a math lesson:

Just Like A Movie, Only Not Even Remotely

2009-09-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

So, I went to San Jose, and I drove back, and I took some pictures while I was driving which is super safe, you should all try it.

California. I'm so glad I don't live in you anymore.

I googled The Rogue. No dice. But work totally does bite, so I'm on board with this. Let's all go!

This is when Jesus started coming back, but was chased away by Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, and the truly heinous quality of the movies they're doing these days.

And now I'm working on getting the car rental company to take off the charges for an extra day - set my alarm and got up after 17 hours of driving and 4 hours of sleep just to get that car back on time. Folks, this is kinda stressful. Perhaps Jesus could have helped me out with this one. Curse you, Paul Bettany!

Your Small Intestine Is 20 Feet Long

2009-09-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

Always one to shy away from controversy and disagreement, I thought I'd post this video of a Mormon man bearing his testimony about gay marriage.

I wish everyone had his guts.

But not literally. Because ew.

This Post Is Rated PG-13 And Was Written By Satan

2009-09-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about posting something - nothing important, or even that interesting - and then I didn't because I was like, "Oh, my family reads this blog, I can't swear."

And then I was like, "Fuck that. I'll swear if I want to."

Fair warning, family. There will be swears.

Also, I never realized how weird it looks when you stick your tongue out.

This Post Is About How You ARE NOT FAT

2009-09-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

The other day I came across a big to-do over a picture in the September issue of Glamour magazine, which I have not read because all those makeup and hair and dating tips are overwhelming and make me feel grumpy. And also because those magazines are expensive.

The issue contains this picture. A picture of a 20-year-old girl with a poochy stomach and underwear that cuts into her hip a little, rather than laying perfectly flat. And she looks GREAT.

Now, she's still a model; she still looks better than most of us. Well, better than I do, anyway. But. It's awesome to see someone who isn't flawless. Who wants flawless? Flawless is weird. I think most of us need to be reassured that we're not abnormal if we have poochy stomachs or stretch marks or cellulite. (Those of you who don't have any of those things, I submit this quote from You've Got Mail: "It's like bragging because you're tall." Keep it in mind when dealing with the rest of us. Also, this recut of Sleepless In Seattle is even better, but Mary Poppins is still my favorite.)

Yes, the airbrushed, photoshopped images we see totally distort our views. We know that. But do we GET it? I just want to say that you can all stop freaking out about being fat. If you're naturally tiny, great, be tiny. Own it.

But if you're not, why do you need to be? Why do you want to be?

STOP WITH THE GUILT ALREADY. Stop feeling guilty about everything you eat. Stop feeling guilty because you weigh more than you did in high school. Stop feeling guilty if you'd rather chill with a friend than work out. And for the sake of everything EVER, stop trying to make me feel guilty about my habits just because you feel bad about yours.

I walk most places I need to go, and when I have money I'll take a yoga class because I like yoga. I put lots of butter on my toast, and I always have some really good chocolate in my desk drawer. I'm never going to be tiny. And I feel fine about that.

This is me, feeling fine about it.

Please feel fine about you too.

You guys, I was totally going to talk about my breasts, but then this post got way too long so YOU MISSED OUT.

We Are Thirty, We Are Legion

2009-09-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

Today I am a ma'am. I totally stole that from Valerie Harper - PLAGIARISM ALERT, KLAXON SOUNDS. I just really like that line; I heard it years ago and I've never forgotten it. PS - If you call me ma'am I will punch you, just so we're clear.

Yesterday Spencer and Chrissy threw me a little birthday get-together. For some reason I didn't have the presence of mind to get a picture of the chocolate orange cheesecake-like goo that Spencer made. It was DELICIOUS.

This is not a picture of cheesecake.

Somehow - and I'm pretty sure this is Chrissy's fault - we ended up reading stories Spencer wrote as a child. You guys, they featured a land octopus, the word "backguns," and a cowboy named Billy who had killed hundreds of indians and wolves by 1978.

Lisa reads. Audrey peeks. Peek, Audrey, peek!

Meanwhile, San* sits by, blissfully ignorant, while Keffy's eyes begin to glow red with inner fire, which had burned away his soul years ago.

He must have gotten to San when we weren't looking. Oh, San, we mourn thee.

Nathan does the knee squeeze while Dani simultaneously pulls the yawn-and-stretch maneuver. They're hoping to take coordinated groping to the Olympics in 2012.

Spencer, ever the critic, thumbs his nose at his own work, calling his six-year-old self "a sanctimonious hack." Way harsh, Spencer.

Then today I saw Adam by myself (derivative, abundantly cliched; not recommended), had a mocha and a cinnamon roll, then Dani and Nathan took me to see District 9 (different, interesting, bloody, and a little bit funny; recommended, if you can take gore).

I'm going to count it as a win, though I sadly did NOT get to see a fortune teller or a psychic. Where are they all hiding? Bellingham seems like the kind of place that would have them in abundance.

And now I'm going to have tea to aid in my valiant effort of not coughing up a lung. There are medals for that, right?

*I can't get "San" to umlaut properly. What? That's totally a verb.

If You Teach A Monkey To Banana He'll Eat For A Lifetime

2009-08-28T00:57:00.001-07:00

I am sick, feel bad for me, if I get pneumonia I will likely die because I am unemployed and we have no government healthcare in this country, but yay for all the people who have kept the scary socialism away, I hope they don't plan on using libraries or public schools or fire departments or the police.

This is what I look like when I'm sick and it's one in the morning.

I had two cups of Throat Comfort tea (surprisingly good), and toast. Because I love toast. The mug was a gift from a friend who went to Germany. Apparently it reads, "without you everything is stupid," although in that picture it's backwards so I guess it reads, "diputs si gnihtyreve uoy tuohtiw," only in German.

We have a lot of overripe bananas, so I'm thinking tomorrow maybe I'll make banana bread and tell my roommates I'm sick and I sneezed all over it, and then they won't eat it and I'll get it ALLLLL.

Add Sugar And A Heart Full Of Love. Preferably Still Bleeding.

2009-08-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made dinner - curry spiced lentils and rice, and roasted beets, yams, and potatoes.

I got a steam burn from the rice cooker.

It looks like a little pink blotch, but it feels like the devil himself sucked my soul out of my wrist, leaving a tiny patch of hellfire behind.

I also made blackberry crisp with blackberries I picked at the beach. In August they grow wild all over the place because Bellingham is Heaven. (Those of you who thought I wouldn't end up in Heaven are looking mighty stupid right about now. And where, may I ask, are YOU?)

Last night Chrissy, Spencer, Adia, and I met Spencer's bandmates and friends at a beach for s'mores, which is obviously the Best Night Ever, wish you were here, keep in touch, so sad about your sad life and other sad stuff.

Adia + marshmallows = love 4ever

If you look closely you can see a dead jellyfish on a rock.

Spencer is the god of marshmallow roasting sticks (yes, there's a god for that. It's a promotion - he used to be just the deputy angel in charge of picking up candy wrappers).

Also, the other day I made blackberry lemon muffins (Sugar + Sunshine recipe - DI.VINE.)

and found Waldo.

And I might have some friends, which would be great news if I still had a soul and cared about that sort of thing. This weekend I'm seeing theatre and music and probably also eating a lot of really delicious food that I'll make out of ingredients I find in the wild, like chocolate and marshmallows.

Man Of Steel Melts Like Cheese

2009-08-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not totally sure, but all signs point to an iron deficiency. I'm just going to blame my recently lax attitude about blogging on that. THE IRON MADE ME DO IT. Or, rather, the lack of iron made me lack of do it.

Turns out some dark chocolate has loads of iron. So I just spent $11.47 on chocolate. And that was with a $1 coupon.

I've been watching a lot of Chris Pureka and Lyndell Montgomery on YouTube while I try to replenish my iron with dark chocolate. And kale and beans and chains and stuff.

I Know The Way But I'm Going Back

2009-08-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

Since coming to San Jose last week I have watched

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington: Great movie, my grandma loved it.
That Thing You Do: Always a good time, my grandma enjoyed it.
Gattaca: One of my favorites. My grandma thought it was confusing and weird.
Sense and Sensibility: Also one of my favorites. My grandma liked this one considerably more.

Today we went out and saw Julie & Julia, to which I say WELCOME BACK, NORA EPHRON. My grandma loved it.

In the past 8 days I've read

The Godmother: Chick lit, beach read, good for the plane ride. B-.
Handle With Care: I thought Jodi Picoult's books would be better than Lifetime movies. I was wrong. But sometimes I like a Lifetime movie, especially if it's about a serial killer (this isn't). B.
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society: Thoroughly enjoyable. A-, like my blood type and college GPA.

I started the book Devil in the White City, but it's pretty dense so I don't think I'll get through it before I leave. In the meantime, I've started Up Island. I'm about 100 pages in, and cannot yet tell if I like or detest it.

I have just doubled my lifetime total of books read. I'm like a genius or something.

I leave you with Lyndell Montgomery. You're welcome.

And A Bamboo Princess In A Pear Tree

2009-08-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that-- SHUT UP AND JUST LISTEN QUIT ROLLING YOUR EYES.

Geez.

Last night I dreamt that I was with a crowd of people running across an empty wasteland to what appeared to be the edge of the world. I was lagging further and further behind because I was watching the four huge, different colored moons setting. As I pointed out how beautiful it was to a guy next to me, an enormous - and I mean ENORMOUS - moon rose, so close that it looked like I could step off the world and into one of its craters. The guy next to me couldn't see it.

I googled the meaning of moons in dreams, but it's a bunch of contradictory gobbledygook. It's possible that I am serene, in touch with my femininity, and highly intuitive. Or I could be closing a chapter in my life, starting a new one, and about to travel over water. Or it could represent romance and lunacy (two words, one meaning). It could also mean the opposite of all those things.

Conclusion: Never try to figure out what your dreams mean. Let the Egyptians starve.

Tea and Strumpets

2009-07-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

Spencer's birthday was on Sunday, and when Chrissy asked what he wanted to do Adia answered, "Tea party!" Chrissy's little sister, Ana, came up for the weekend, and we all went to the park for tea party fun.

The spread: raspberry lemon scones, lemon and chocolate cream tarts, cream puffs, and chocolate chocolate chip cookies.

Ana is shocked at Spencer and Chrissy, who are trying to squish Adia's head with their lips. Also, Chrissy made that skirt.

Need candles blown out? Chocolate tarts eaten? Look no further. And she'll work for peanuts (if they're covered in chocolate).

We dove for cover as Ana dove for the creampuffs.

Baby Face, accompanied by breathy exclamations of "Wow!" and "Yay!"

What? That's just what we look like.

Chrissy + water from a toy teapot = drunken whore.

Happy birthday, Spencer! A tea party is totally appropriate for a 29-year-old straight man!

Foolish Golden Dreams of Pots And Kettles Of Fish

2009-07-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

There was an amazing sunset last night, but either I or my camera lacked the ability to capture it properly. Mmm, (contemplative eye squint), probably the camera.

This is the best I could get. See how glowy the windows in the building are? That's what the trees looked like, and anyplace the sun was hitting. It was raining just a bit and there was a faint rainbow in the sky. Did you know you can only see a rainbow if the sun is behind you? I'm not totally sure why, but I think it's probably because the light hits the raindrops and is refracted at such an angle that it will only hit your eye if the sun is behind you.

This possibly educational (or possibly totally incorrect) science post is brought to you by Friday and rainbows and time travel and muppets.

Add Cheesecake And You Get The Picture

2009-07-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

Chrissy finds the coolest things to do. Wednesday night we went to Seattle - back to Gas Works Park -

to see Lullaby Moon.

It was definitely meant for kids, and I've never been really interested in theatre that deals in spectacle

without story or character development,

but it was visually stunning,

and I love that people do this kind of thing. I love theatre that's available to everyone - free and open and anyone can be a part of it. At one point some little kids ran onto the "stage," and it was no big deal, and at the end of the show they played music and encouraged everyone to join in; it turned into a big dance party for half an hour before they did the finale.

We brought a picnic dinner and a dog,

and we talked and walked around and took pictures. Despite the elaborate costumes

and spectacular use of the water,

it was a really casual, fun time.

*Pictures 2, 4, 6, and 9 courtesy of Chrissy and her mad skillz.

Apparently "Midget" Is A Derogatory Term

2009-07-21T15:40:00.001-07:00

I am not multi-tasker. I'm having a lot of trouble typing and singing along to Wicked at the same time. I could turn off the music, but I feel like singing so I'm just going to deal with typos and scattershot thoughts. AND SO ARE YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's what you get for reading this.

That's not a 3; it's a W, for Wicked.

This morning - what you probably know as "afternoon" - I felt like singing. Just really, really felt like singing. And I realized that's maybe the thing I miss the very most with not having a car: driving around and singing at the top of my lungs. I took singing lessons through a lot of college, and I always practiced in the car because it was the only place I was SURE I wouldn't be overheard (and trust me, you don't want to overhear me singing - I can't carry a tune in a bucket. I love that cliche because then I have to imagine what it would look like to carry a tune in a bucket, and I wonder how you could get a tune to stay in a bucket because it seems like the kind of thing that would just float away on the air).

I've alwaysalwaysalways wanted to do a cross-country road trip, but I've never been able to get all my ducks neatly in a row (more cliches! I'm all about showtunes and cliches today. It must be Tuesday). Now I'm unemployed and I have the funds, but...no car. And I think renting one would drain my bank account to a degree I'm not prepared to deal with. (I end sentences with prepositions. It's a stupid rule. Suck it up.)

But I would REALLY love to drive cross-country and sing at the top of my lungs the whole way.

Once, in college, I drove from Utah home to California with my sister, Melanie. I think she's probably the only person who's ever heard me sing without inhibition. Mainly because she's almost as big of a dork as I am. Almost. She is also freakishly tiny.

I remember singing "Seasons of Love" (heehee! theatre kids are so dorky) from Rent, just blasting it and not caring how totally white-girl we sounded. That is a great memory. Mel, ditch the family

and let's go on a road trip and sing. I miss how much fun we used to have together. Remember that time you and your friends came and stayed with me at Chapman? That was a blast. Let's eat our way through the USA. That can be our motto. We can get it printed on t-shirts, and wear visors and fanny packs. We should bring Raych too,

and it can be a sisterly bonding thing. Or we can tie Rachel up and and put her in the trunk and it can be a sisterly bondage thing. Although bondage has all these weird sexual connotations, so maybe we'll just stick with bonding.

I was walking through town and did a double take at this

because at first glance I thought it read, "cars existing," which would have been all philosophical and stuff.

Next Stop: Dollywood!

2009-07-14T00:54:00.001-07:00

I've been watching a lot of Weeds lately, and I'm thinking of becoming a drug dealer because this is Bellingham and I bet TONS of people smoke pot, but pot isn't really much of a drug so I'd just be a pot dealer and not a drug dealer, but I'm not really into danger and I hear dealers are pretty protective of their territory.

Plan B.

Hm, isn't plan B the morning-after pill? Well, that's just completely not helpful to me at all.

PS: Looking at the date, I just realized it's my kindergarten best friend's birthday. I know this, and yet I can't remember YOUR birthday. And I like you more.

AAAHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!

2009-07-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

Muffins, muffins, muffins
I made you out of clay
And when you're cooked and ready
A muffin I will play!

I didn't actually make them out of clay. That would be gross.

My favorite bakery of TIME AND ALL ETERNITY is Sugar and Sunshine Bakery of Plainsboro, NJ. Gigi Burton is a baking GENIUS and you should all visit New Jersey SOLELY for her cinnamon rolls and cupcakes. After I moved she gave me the recipe for her blondies, which I have yet to make due to the tragic shortage of chocolate chips and pecans in my communist household.

However. Last night I made her cranberry orange muffins. My communist household has a couple of avid gardeners, and I am lucky enough to share in the spoils. Lo and behold, cranberry orange became raspberry lemon. I also used soy milk instead of whole milk because we have a lot of soy milk.

They're muffiny muffins and not cakey muffins, so they didn't rise as much as I thought they would.

But muffiny bliss does not depend on size.

I'm about to mount a surprise attack.

NOOOOO!

Really, the muffin should have known. It was, after all, irresistibly delicious.

Next time I think I'll add more lemon, which will make my victory over the muffins that much more tangy.

Light Up The Sky Like A Flame

2009-07-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

It probably won't be as great as the original, but I'm crazy excited about the remake of Fame.

If I ever get too old for movies like this, please, just put me out of my cranky old misery.

Hold On To That Feelin'

2009-07-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

Did you guys know that Danica McKellar (Winnie from The Wonder Years) is a math genius? I never cared much for Winnie, but all of the sudden I want to worship at the altar of Danica.

Okay, yeah, that sounds weird to me too.

Also,

A Dollar's Worth Of Pennies For Your Thoughts

2009-06-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

Before I officially left the church, I should have taken an ad out.

WANTED: Excommunication assistance. Please submit your suggestions on how one would go about getting excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, aka the Mormon Church. Entries may be submitted to either the Tried-and-True Classics category, or the Outlandish But Not Illegal category. Creativity is a plus, and suggested excommunication methods can involve more than one person, but remember that simplicity is a virtue. Entries that require long periods of time or complicated and unlikely scenarios will not be considered. (Note: if attacking the virtue of simplicity is the impetus of your method, you are exempted from this rule.) The top 5 entries in each category will be tested to see which result in excommunication. Winners will receive [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and a one-year supply of Cocoa Puffs.

Also: rosy cheeks, no warts.

It's Not Obsession If I Don't Have Something Pointy

2009-06-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

Today I had to transfer money from my savings account to my checking account.

It had to happen.

Worth it? You be the judge.

This is where Edward stalks Bella.

This dog has never heard of Twilight.

I haven't been here yet. I hope they don't have Twilight.

As one-dimensional as the characters in Twilight.

Edward would sparkle in the sunshine here.

Where Twilight belongs.

Why I'm thinking about Twilight.

I'm on season 2 of Buffy and book 4 of Harry Potter. And I've had 2 mochas. I'm rocking my New Year's resolutions.

Master of My Universe

2009-06-25T15:24:00.001-07:00

Last night I babysat Adia while Spencer and Chrissy went to see Transformers 2. I totally got the better end of that deal.

This is Adia's Ramona Quimby haircut. I think it's charming, Chrissy apologizes for it to everyone she sees. Which gets kind of awkward when she's just going up to random homeless people like, "I'M NOT GOOD AT CUTTING HAIR!" and then they freak out because she's this tall, blonde goddess screaming "CUTTING," so I imagine they think she's an angel visiting the wrath of God upon them or something.

Adia and I walked over to Mallard Ice Cream, where we got a pint of coconut almond chocolate chunk ice cream for FREE because Spencer's friend Neill was working and he loves Adia. Score! Then we went home and watched Follow That Bird - not gonna lie, I went and added the soundtrack to my Amazon wishlist. Also on my list: The Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack and the Feature Films for Families Rigoletto soundtrack. Judge me if you must.

Also, I finally took custody of my guitar from Spencer. Now I just have to learn to play it...

This afternoon I had a GREAT idea. Instead of making outlandish New Year's Resolutions like losing 50 pounds (which would mean giving up all food, ever, and I hear that leads to death, so I'm thinking that resolution? A BUST), or going to the gym everyday (tricky when you don't belong to a gym), or being nice all the time (which would be easy if it weren't for YOU), I'm thinking I'm going to start making totally manageable ones. Only I always make my resolutions for my birthday because that's MY new year.

So before I turn 30 this year I want to:

Make cookies
Drink at least 10 mochas
Reread all the Harry Potter books
Get at least to season 4 on my summer of Buffy marathon
Get a haircut
Learn to play a chord on the guitar
Say at least 250 words
Smile at three people, OR smile three times at the same person

You guys, 30 is looking good.

The Robots Are Taking Over. Just So You Know.

2009-06-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO HER FACE?!?!?!

That's totally what I look like after my team of makeup artists, hairstylists, photoshoppers, and android design experts are done. Only BETTER.

I got this from Emily Pearson's blog. Hm, I wonder why it's not linked in my sidebar. That shall be immediately remedied because her blog is delightful and you should all share in the joy.

Comment Moderation Has Been Turned On For the Duration Of The Flight

2009-06-24T00:18:00.000-07:00

Today I feel fine, as I knew I would. No uppers involved, but there was some chocolate. And also some ice cream and some Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon with Chrissy, who is a friend, but - sorry, Chrissy - doesn't really count because she's also family and is therefore kinda somewhat obligated to at least pretend she likes me.

In any case, I feel more like this today,

and also a little like this, which is either my "Step off, bitch" face or else my "About to have something squishy explode in her face" face.

That ambiguous face is due to the blog comment fight I had today, which left me feeling surprisingly buoyant. You know what that means? I AM BACK.

West of Everywhere

2009-06-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight was my night to cook. I made veggie some-kind-of-pie-type-dish. Basically just veggies - yams, potatoes, kale, onions, carrots, mushrooms, bell peppers, garlic - in a little bit of thick broth, cooked in the oven with cornbread batter on top. It was apparently a hit, since everyone went went back for thirds. Except for me - I only had seconds because I'm a lady.

Afterwards I had a major crash due to the realization that I will probably never have real-life friends again, and some other stuff, and also due to the downers that I must have baked into dinner, because that was one helluva crash.

Here I am, looking woefully off into the distance, which is where all my friends are.

I was going to eat a lot of chocolate, figuring that I would keep eating until I was either cheered up or I got so fat that I would die and have to be removed from my house with a crane, and really, I think that was a totally valid plan. But then my friend, Rhiannon (off in the distance, and also probably a robot because how would I know when I never see her?), chatted me up on gmail and ruined all my plans for death by fat via chocolate by cheering me up.

And that begs the question, who is creating robots to cheer me up, and why?

Next time I make dinner: Uppers.

Freebasing Magic

2009-06-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

Mabs is in town.

That's right, you heard it here first: MABS IS IN TOWN.

Spencer and I have known Mabs since he was a wee lad of 3, back when people besides me still called him Mabs rather than Matt. Note to Matthew: Mabs will live on as long as I do. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO KILL ME, MABS.

We all went to Gas Works Park,

which is the most post-apocalyptic place I've ever been.

I am truly sorry it didn't occur to me to yell, "SOYLENT GREEN IS PEEEEOPLE!!!" It would have added to the experience for everyone, I think.

Afterwards we made a quick trip to see the Fremont Troll,

then headed over to Theo Chocolate, where they are not stingy with the samples.

On the way home I got a mocha, and Adia, having missed her nap, decided she wanted some, I guess as a little pick-me-up. So she screamed "COFFEEEEEE!!!" from the backseat of the car until Chrissy calmed her down with some chocolate and songs from The Little Mermaid.

And then we all lived happily ever after.

Lucy Leavitt and the Case of the Runaway Balloon

2009-06-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth, of Paintings by Elizabeth Leavitt, sent me two mini paintings, just because we're friends.

At least I assume that's the reason, though I suppose it's possible she only sends paintings to her mortal enemies.

I love them either way.

Hard Candy: A Review

2009-06-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

First, the trailer (Raych, if you're reading this, don't watch - it'll just scare you).

Hard Candy has five actors in it, total. FIVE. And only two have more than a handful of lines. It feels a lot like a play adapted for the screen, though I don't think it is. Patrick Wilson is great, as always, Ellen Page is precociously clever, as usual, and Sandra Oh is not onscreen for more than a couple of minutes.

***SPOILERS, PROBABLY! I don't know exactly what I'm going to write yet, but it's a good bet that I'll talk about the girl turning out to be an ALIEN PROSTITUTE! Just kidding. But spoilers are likely.

A couple of people told me Hard Candy keeps the audience in suspense, until the very end, about who is really the villain.

That is totally true.

If you have never seen a movie before.

Let me do the math for you:

1 thirty-something man (Patrick Wilson)
+ 1 underage girl he met online (Ellen Page)
+ 1 photo of another underage missing-presumed-dead girl in his hidden safe
+/- his protestations of innocence
= HE DID IT, DUH.
(Yep, that's a spoiler.)

Everyone I know who has seen this warned me that it's extremely disturbing, which, of course, is the entire reason I decided to watch it.

People, I am underwhelmed. It is somewhat disturbing, but not at all to the level of the extreme.

Sure, the castration scene is pretty disturbing (my count: 2 spoilers), but when you know the guy is a pedophile and a murderer, will you really care when he loses his balls? I mean, the girl numbs him first. It's not like she's totally inhumane.

I didn't find this at all the morally ambiguous tale I was told it was. Alright, so the girl is off her rocker; if she's aiming the crazy at a pedophile/murderer, am I really supposed to wonder who the bad guy is? IT'S STILL THE PEDOPHILE/MURDERER.

However.

It is a pretty taut psychological thriller, and I'm always up for a thriller.

I give it a solid B, and some milk and cookies for effort.

For a really good psychological thriller, however, watch Cube.

Tongue Tripping Is Not A Legitimate Sport

2009-06-12T15:38:00.001-07:00

I forgot I was going to do a movie review today. This isn't it - like I said, I forgot.

I was searching craigslist for part-time jobs that might not make me want to carve my heart out with a spork (difficult to do without breaking the plastic, but I maintain that it would be possible), and one looked promising. It gave a website where candidates could find the application for employment. I went to the website, clicked on the application, and read through it. It asks for 3 personal references, one of which must be the applicant's church. The last part of the application reads, "Please share of your personal faith in Jesus Christ."

I guess I won't be applying for that job.

In other news, the one job I did apply for - the one that I'm SERIOUSLY overqualified for and would be great at - did not call me back.

The small part of me that cares just wants more money for coffee.

Right now I'm sitting in a computer lab at WWU, waiting with my brother while he finishes a project. Lately I've generally been listening to the same music over and over, but just now I thought, "Hm, I'd really like to listen to the soundtrack to Assassins." People, that was a GREAT idea. I'm enjoying it immensely.

It's possible Spencer thinks he's a model.

Next Step: World Peace

2009-06-11T01:32:00.001-07:00

Laundry: accomplished.

When I was a nanny I had to do Nicole's* laundry once a week, so I'd toss mine in as well. Now I mostly forget to do laundry until I run out of underwear.

And I have a LOT of underwear.

Stockpiling it is a residual habit leftover from the days when I lived in an apartment with a coin-op washer and dryer. Rather than pay to do laundry, I'd go buy new socks and underwear. Because that's how I roll.

To be honest, this time I only got through about 3/4 of my underwear before I realized I was in dire need of a laundry day. I just got through all the underwear I like.

I call this the Hanging Wall of Bras. It really ought to be the Wall of Hanging Bras, but it isn't.

*Name changed to protect me from having to differentiate her from my sister, who has the same name, every time I talk about her.

And the Fourth Horseman Was Macy's

2009-06-09T23:37:00.001-07:00

This may well be my last post ever. The shopping...Oh! The shopping! I'm trying not to collapse from sheer exhaustion. Must...keep...moving. It is coming for me, and I don't know if I will survive.

Also, my left eye is probably permanently crossed.

That Thing Way Up In The Air Is My Nose

2009-06-06T16:25:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I think about smart or artsy people who are super smug about their own opinions, and I'm really glad I'm better than they are.

And then I realize I'm being smug about not being smug.

FOILED.

Last night I took Adia to see the Bellingham Arts Academy for Youth production of Beauty and the Beast at Mount Baker Theatre.

The first act was almost 2 hours long. People, there is no excuse for that. NONE. Especially when you have the breadth and depth of talent the kids in this show exhibited. The director has some serious explaining to do. Especially since I'm pretty sure all those skits during set changes? Those boring, trite, nonsensical skits? Yeah, fairly certain those are NOT actually in the play, and here's your theatrical legality lesson of the day: It is ILLEGAL to change a play - to add or subtract anything - without the permission of the person/organization that holds the rights. And I'd say it's a fair bet that Disney is not giving permission for its plays to be altered.

The director could get in some serious trouble if anyone turned him in.

As a playwright, I have a big enough stick up my ass about this issue to do just that.

Good thing for the director that I'm super lazy.

I don't think this blog post is going to be beneficial to me when I contact them about working or volunteering. Look at how much I don't care. (I'm also smug about saying what I think.)

Wasn't That The Name Of A Dragon?

2009-06-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Today was free underwear day at Victoria's Secret. I love free stuff.

After a rather inauspicious start to the shopping day, I ended up buying what is commonly known as a crapload of shirts. Three are tank tops, which is something I have zero experience with. I'm not yet sure how I feel about them.

And no, I did not take pictures for my blog. I have not yet ascended to that level of narcissistic obsession. I take pictures because I think they give me a better idea of how clothes look than the mirror does. In fact, after uploading the pictures and seeing them larger, I think a couple of shirts I bought today are a mistake,

and there's one I kind of regret not getting, despite the unfortunate color.

And then there are the shirts that look alright, but, given time to decipher my feelings, I think I might actually hate.

Clothes shopping is hard.

Conversation in a fitting room:

Me: I hope you don't mind that I just changed in front of you.

Chrissy: Well, now I'm questioning my sexuality.

Me: My work here is done.

Also, I saw this sign on a trash can:

THE END.

The Cure For All That Ails You

2009-06-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

It was hot again today. And it's supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. Despite that, I decided to make a dinner that would keep me using the rice cooker, stove, and oven for about 2 hours straight. Because I am the smart one in the family (the rest of them can barely dress themselves).

I made saffron rice (Chrissy's delicious recipe), lentils with whatever the hell I wanted to throw in, pita bread, and Holly's ginger molasses cookies. The rice and lentils turned out fine, and...wait why am I even talking about anything besides the cookies?

See that sparkling? That's magical happiness.

One roommate actually said they're the best ginger cookies he's ever tasted. I heartily concur; these are what all cookies should aspire to be. Thank you, Holly! Ginger cookies are my favorite, but this is the first time I've actually made them.

I doubled the recipe - after growing up with 5 siblings I think I might actually be incapable of NOT doubling a cookie recipe. Or any recipe at all (yeah, I ate a LOT of leftovers in college). I also added a little more ginger and cinnamon because, really, can you ever have too much ginger and cinnamon?

Also, I am convinced these cookies would be phenomenal with s'mores. Obviously I must test that hypothesis - it's scientifically irresponsible not to.

That's my cookie smile.

The Places That You Meet When You're Walking Down the Street

2009-06-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

Right now I truly feel like a fireplace would solve every problem I have in the world. I could toast marshmallows if I had a fireplace.

It's been hot and since I don't have a car I have to walk everywhere, which is normally not a bad thing, except it's the WORST THING EVER when it's 80 degrees out. For those of you who think 80 degrees is not hot - you are dead to me. DEAD. Your corpses are rotting in the blistering 80 degree heat.

I didn't get out of the house at all today, due to the aforementioned Hades-like temperature, so I'm feeling a bit crabby. And by "a bit" I mostly mean that I would happily bite your head off, and not in a figurative way. CRUNCH.

I'm certain that s'mores would solve all my problems, but I don't have a fireplace.

I also managed to screw up the same page in BOTH copies of the job application Chrissy so kindly printed out for me.

The universe is conspiring to drive me insane through tiny, insignificant irritations. Slow torture. Universe, I swear, if you tap me on the shoulder one more time I am going to break your hand off.

It Must Be Real, It Was In The Dictionary

2009-05-31T20:09:00.000-07:00

Chrissy having s'mores and Adia playing with fire at Hovander Park.

Chrissy's parents' phone has a creepy robot-woman voice that announces who's calling, but it doesn't get the pronunciation exactly right. When Chrissy calls, the phone announces, "Call from crazy." Maybe the phone is just really smart.

Adia has some really hoochie-looking dolls. She was playing with two of them. Chrissy says, "Adia, why are you taking their shirts off? (to me, sardonically) She always takes their shirts off and makes them kiss."

Chrissy, as one of the hoochie dolls, to Adia: Hi, what's your name?

Adia: Adia.

Chrissy/doll: Hi Adia! My name's Hoochie Mama!

Adia: No, Becca!

Chrissy/doll: Oh, my name's Becca?

Adia: Yeah, Becca.

Chrissy/doll: Can you say "Becca's a hoochie mama"?

Adia may or may not have tried to repeat that; I was laughing too hard to notice.

Chrissy/doll: Can you say "Becca's a slut"?

Chrissy/doll: That's why she has to go home at night - she works the corner. Adia, say "Becca works the corner!"

My sister-in-law really respects me.

No, It's Not A FAIRY Boat

2009-05-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day, illustrated:

Me, on a ferry

with nuns.

These people were probably eaten by sharks, which is what happens when you go sailing. I swear.

Adia met a giant among dogs - a Great Pyrenees.

We went to a parade,

but someone started reciting embarrassing poetry so Spencer and I ditched and went to a bookstore.

We had a picnic here. My interpretation is that there are no cattle.

This is when I couldn't bear for anyone to look at me.

We stopped to look at a false bay, which Spencer and I thought was cool and Chrissy thought was stupid,

and as a result we just missed seeing whales. But we did see kayakers. Who probably also got eaten by sharks.

We did some other stuff, I had two mochas that day, and then accidentally set my camera to manual on the ferry ride home. But it's okay because grainy is totally the effect I was going for.

We're Getting Civilly United or Domestically Partnered In The Morning

2009-05-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a Prop 8 protest. It was most definitely smaller than the one I went to in NYC last November, and less fun without Laura, but still worth it.

I also had raspberry mint ice cream with Adia,

which was more delicious than protesting. I'm going to be really glad when gay marriage is legalized and I can redirect my mental energy towards Millionaire Matchmaker and figuring out why I always have those red spots on my chin in pictures.

What Happens On Tuesday Stays On Tuesday

2009-05-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Just so you are all aware of how awesome you AREN'T compared to Spencer, he just won the PARSEC Science Fiction and Fantasy Short Story Contest. (This is where I do a little congratulatory dance to the tune of something I've got stuck in my head, which is usually "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" from Hello Dolly, "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man, or "MMMBop").

I had a really great Memorial Day on San Juan Island with Spencer, Chrissy, Adia, and Chrissy's dad. I took tons of pictures, but I've been too busy to go through them and post, so for now I will leave you with this gem from a bathroom in Friday Harbor.

Gleek Club Is A Totally Different Thing

2009-05-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

Every time I watch the pilot for the show Glee, I love it more. I can completely understand why some people wouldn't enjoy this show (it's because some people aren't complete dorks. Or they have hearts of steel. Probably that last one), but those of us who did theatre in high school totally knew these kids. Um, were these kids. Except I could never sing like that.*

Don't make fun of me - I know you like dumber things than this.

*Amended - the video I originally posted has been removed. This one isn't as fun.

A Treatise on Sunday and Your Face

2009-05-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today I did almost nothing, but I did have a delightfully lengthy video chat with Elizabeth, which was honestly the highlight of my week. Elizabeth, please know that you are delightful. I don't know why I never call you Lucy. Sometimes I think of you as Lucy.

Also, I would just like to go on record saying that Chrissy and Spencer make THE best food in the world, and the chocolate chocolate chip cookies Spencer made -- there are no words. There are also no pictures, because a picture of a cookie is usually pretty boring.

The artwork is by Chrissy - it never fails to make me laugh.

Of Vice and Something That Rhymes With Men

2009-05-20T22:45:00.001-07:00

I've been reading Harry Potter for days now.

The FIRST Harry Potter. For days.

I think I'm about 100 pages in. Can't...seem...to...focus. The internet, it is taking over my brain! I think I need a computer vacation. Which is a vacation FROM, and not a vacation TO. I need to vacate my computer. But I also need to work on the writing projects I've started. I know what you're thinking (I'm totally psychic. Really.) - use my computer to write, and just don't go on the internet. (Well, that and stuff I'm not going to print. Some of your thoughts are not suitable for my blog.)

You have a lot of misplaced faith in my willpower. Use my computer to do productive things, while totally abstaining from the internet; resisting the temptation to click that little fox icon? Where did you ever get the idea that I have that kind of self-control? I certainly never led you to believe that. My utter inability to stay away from mochas and cookies is a well-documented fact.

There is nothing for it but a total no-computer policy, in force for at least 48 hours.

But not tomorrow. I have to check my twitter feed.

Sometimes A Cigar Is Just A Cigar

2009-05-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up from a terrible nightmare at 5 a.m. Before I tell you that this dream would make a good premise for a horror porn film, let me just say that there was no actual sex in it. And now I can tell you: This dream would make a good premise for a horror porn film.

As a small child I had night terrors. When I got older I graduated to nightmares, and I'm pretty sure I graduated with honors, because I am seriously gifted in the nightmare department. It's not bragging, it's just a fact. I also had really interesting dreams. I looked down upon the rest of you people, with your pedestrian dreams. Mine were sometimes partly in cartoon, or black & white, and I was often several people at once. In one dream I was the omniscient narrator, while simultaneously being a woman who was the lead detective on the trail of a cross-dressing serial killer, and also her husband.

Because I had such terrible nightmares, I started learning to control my dreams when I was 7 or 8.

By college I was used to rewinding and changing things, shaping my dreams the way I wanted them to go. Then I started taking anti-depressants, and my dreams slowly faded away. Even after I stopped taking them my dreams didn't come back. When I did have a dream it was usually a total snoozefest (CUT. THE. PUNS.), and never lucid. My best guess is that my dreams were first suppressed by the medication, and then by the stress and boredom of my life in New Jersey.

When I moved to Bellingham I started dreaming again. My dreams aren't back to the way they once were - I'm still not having lucid dreams - but they are finally getting interesting. Of course, on the flipside, I'm also having nightmares. Which brings me to the one I had this morning.

In this nightmare I was babysitting (and really, isn't that bad enough?), and the girl I was watching was this kind of keeper of secrets. She was the only one who knew how to keep the hockey-masked serial killer away, and apparently I'd accidentally done something wrong. I was keeping a brave face on for the girl I was babysitting, but we both knew that when I went home that night the crazed killer in the hockey mask would come to my house and kill me. Also, the killer was a girl.

This sounds pretty derivative, but that's because I left out the part that would be a premise for a porn film. My family reads this blog.

You Gotta Know The Territory

2009-05-18T18:10:00.000-07:00

I was tagged to do this by a bunch of people on Facebook, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to post it - it felt too narcissistic. I feel okay about posting it on my blog, though. Perhaps because my blog is already all about me, and therefore inherently narcissistic.

Thanks to Elizabeth, I am learning to embrace narcissism.

25 Things About ME

1) I don’t understand what’s wrong with having your infant sleep in a bureau drawer. I really don’t.

2) I’ve always been fascinated with names. I’ve been keeping lists of names I like since I was a kid. The current one includes the following gems: Jasper, Lenore, Rowan, and Anastasia.

3) I think we can all agree it’s a good thing I plan to remain childless.

4) I laugh at my own jokes. I think I’m hilarious. No one gets my humor like I do.

5) I kept journals from 13 to 23. I had a whole box full of them. I got tired of lugging them around to every new place I lived, so I threw the box away when I was 25. I’ve never regretted it.

6) I recently started keeping a journal again. The first entry is 21 pages long. Once it’s filled up, I think I’ll just leave it on a bench somewhere.

7) I am mostly an open book. As a general rule, I tend to overshare. I hate keeping secrets about myself, and I’m bad at it.

8) But I have a few.

(Insert evil laugh here. I so hate it when people tease you like this and then don't give you anything. SUCK. IT.)

9) I have no moral problem with lying. To me it's about respect, not morality. If we're friends I will tell you the truth because you deserve that.

10) Sometimes I lie to strangers just for fun. I consider it more improv than lying.

11) I try to always say the nice things I think. Once I told a strange girl in Panera that she had beautiful hair. I’m pretty sure she thought it was weird. Once I told a strange girl in Starbucks that she had beautiful hair. I’m pretty sure it made her day.

12) If you never tell me anything nice you think about me, I'll assume you never have nice thoughts about me and I'll wonder why we're even friends. Eventually I will stop telling you the nice things I think about you, and you will deserve it. Also, I don't care if you don't read my blog, but if you read and don't comment I want to poach your eyeballs and eat them with toast.

13) We all die alone. I first heard that in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. I find it comforting.

14) Star Trek has given me a lot to think about. It is a font of wisdom and literary quotations:
-It has always been easier to destroy than to create.
-The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.
-I need my pain.
-I don't believe in the no-win scenario.
-It is very cold in space.
-Time is the fire in which we burn. (Delmore Schwartz)
-And he piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the rage and hate felt by his whole race. If his chest had been a cannon he would have shot his heart upon it. (Moby Dick)
- THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!

15) I prefer brown eyes. I think blue/green/gray eyes are pretty, but brown eyes are warmer and friendlier.

16) I often don’t notice eye color. I have no idea what color eyes a lot of you have.

17) For no real reason I worry about getting blood clots, rheumatoid arthritis, and scurvy.

18) I am way more shy than people realize. The only time I ever feel totally at ease is when I’m alone.

19) I hate that I’m a Virgo. There are good Virgo qualities, but I mostly think they’re stupid. Which is such a Virgo quality.

20) People think I hate being touched because I rarely touch them, but really I just don’t want to invade anyone’s personal space.

21) I worry a lot and I worry out loud, but I always believe things will turn out alright.

22) I think being single is fine. I think being coupled is fine. I think there are pros and cons to both states of being, and I have no problem being single forever.

23) When I see hot air balloons I get a thrill, and I feel like the world is a magical place.

24) I never had an imaginary friend, but I always wanted one. When I was a kid I used to imagine that I had an imaginary friend.

25) I don’t believe in wrong choices.

(Let’s not be dumb about this - obviously I don’t mean things like choosing whether or not to murder someone, or whether or not to shoot heroin into your eyeballs.)

Life isn’t a race or a movie - there is no finish line or plotted ending. Every choice takes us somewhere. There isn’t one right place, or one right job, or one right anything. Make a choice. If you don’t like how it turns out, make another choice. There is no end destination, with only one right path leading to it. It ends where it ends. Make the best of it and enjoy the scenery.

I don't believe in wrong choices.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

2009-05-15T15:54:00.001-07:00

I would really like to learn to play these on the guitar:

Think Of A Proverb

2009-05-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Today Chrissy, Adia, and I went to Lake Padden Park. I was going to take pictures, but then Adia got hurt and we thought she might have a broken leg, so taking pictures became less of a priority.

Several hours and several x-rays later we found out her leg is not broken.

Oh, the unbelievable joy of relief!

But Chrissy is worried Adia might have mutant babies because of all the x-ray radiation. I told her not to worry - Adia probably would have had mutant babies anyway.

I Think You Mean An Apostrophe

2009-05-13T16:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had an epiphany! No I didn't, but that would have been great. If I ever have a pet I think I will name it Epiphany. Or if I go crazy and have an imaginary friend.

But I did have a realization yesterday. I was about to leave the house and my hair was in a wretched state, so I was trying to wrastle (yes - wrAstle) it up into a twisty bun-like 'do with one of those claw hair thingies. And it took FOREVER. Because my hair has passed that specific, easy-to-wrastle-into-a-bun length.

To illustrate:

Please note the vacant look in my eyes.

Realization: It's probably about time for a haircut. Which means I might get around to it in a few months.

Also, sometimes in Bellingham you go to a comic store

and you see this.

Bright Copper Kettles and Warm Woolen Kittens

2009-05-10T18:13:00.000-07:00

You guys, grocery shopping in my house is an epic task. And this week it is my epic task. I had to clean out the fridge, then go through the entire kitchen and cross the things we don't need off the standard list. Things like millet and barley. I don't even know how one would go about using millet or barley, yet we have containers of them buried deep in the cupboard of misc. grains, along with wheatberries, bulgar, and kamut - which are just as mysterious to me.

I'm exhausted, and I haven't even done the shopping yet.

Also, I'm totally PMSing so I feel drained and crabby and I'm DYING for sugar and caffeine. And PMSing doesn't even remotely work as a word, because it works out to be pre-menstrual syndroming, which makes no sense.

If that's a total overshare and you're annoyed, well, you can just go *%$@#%*$@@!*#&$%*
(beeeeeeeeeep, blank screen)

We are sorry for the interruption. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming as soon as possible. We thank you for your patience.

Two Bits

2009-05-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

It was my night to cook. I'm not normally hugely messy in the kitchen, but tonight I am super happy that I don't have to clean. It looks the town of Chewandswallow after the weather started going crazy. I googled that book to find the link, and I found out that there's an animated movie coming out. People, I am underwhelmed.

For fans of Firefly, I leave you with this (there are 5 at this point, so click 'next'), which is quite possibly the funniest thing ever. EVER. ("Exaggeration" is not part of my vocabulary. Except I just used it, so apparently I was wrong about it not being part of my vocabulary.)

For those of you who are not fans of Firefly (do you exist? And why haven't you been struck dead, thou blasphemers?), but who are fans of How I Met Your Mother and/or Les Miserables and/or Neil Patrick Harris, I leave you with this:

For those who aren't fans of anything I mentioned, suck on it.

Into the Void, Go! Go! Go!

2009-05-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

Today I made a unilateral decision to be unequivocally unproductive. I went to Starbucks, got a mocha in my delightful Christmas mug (FYI, The Muppet Christmas Carol is good any time of year), and finished reading The Subtle Knife.

I didn't take pictures, so I re-enacted it at home for your viewing pleasure.

Something tragic happened, apparently.

The Spectres, they will eat you!

Joy, thy name is mocha.

BFF

You know how sometimes you're startled to see someone talking to himself, and then you realize he's talking on his cell? I'm pretty sure the guy next to me in Starbucks was talking to himself. It was kind of noisy inside so I couldn't hear much of what he was saying, but he would talk in emphatic bursts and occasionally laugh. The way he was talking - forcefully and kind of rhythmically - made me think of slam poetry, and then I was wondering if he was actually crazy, or if he was maybe just conducting a social experiment for some freshman psych class.

He looked kind of old for freshman psych.

So, to the crazy slam poetry guy in Starbucks, I give you major props for going back to school. You can do it!

(Give people the benefit of the crazy, is what I say.)

Dictators Are Great!

2009-05-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

I live in a community house. No, it's not rehab. Really.

I live in a house with 4 other people. I'm the youngest by 8 years, which is kind of strange. Every week we all put $40 in for groceries, toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent, etc. Monday through Thursday we eat dinner together, although we can sign out if we have plans - it's not rehab. I swear. One person cooks, and the others clean up afterwards. The person who did the grocery shopping that week doesn't have to cook.

It's taken some getting used to, but it's okay. In all honesty, the real draw for me is that the rent is low. I really prefer to do my own shopping, my own cooking, and my own cleaning up. But it's fine, I have no plans to move out, the people I live with are nice, and the rent? Did I mention that it's low? No job + low rent = I WILL TAKE IT, THANK YOU.

Plus the judge said it was either this or prison.

The Dreams They Sold

2009-05-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

Friday was the fifth anniversary of Spissy, aka Spencer and Chrissy. (5 is the name-combo anniversary, right?)

Spencer and Chrissy are great cooks, and prefer their own food to restaurant food (but only because they're snobs, and also because their food tastes better. Something about the heart of a virgin, blahblahblah, I wasn't really listening), so they decided to stay home and make a nice dinner.

More backsides is what this blog needs.

This is from when I cut off Spencer's head

because he joined a boy band.

I took Adia out for the evening, to the Children's Art Walk and then to Mallard's to share some avocado ice cream. Spencer and Chrissy met up with us later.

Adia's happy here because she doesn't know

that I'm about to turn into a zombie

and suck out her brain.

Happy anniversary, Chrissy and Snoopy! I mean Spencer.

Did You Save The Receipt?

2009-05-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

Look, I don't care if it's a family name, I just don't think it's okay to saddle your helpless infant with a name like German. And by the way, I think the reason it's always been a family MIDDLE name is pretty obvious.

We need to come up with a nickname (that isn't Jerry) immediately.

I would have picked out a great name. A name that wouldn't get him teased if he ever left Utah. And while we're on the subject, I still think "Ella" sounds like you stopped in the middle of saying elephant.

Alright, wait, here's the peace pipe (it's a gesture, you should take a puff even if you are Mormon, because it's rude not to take it if it's offered). I am willing to concede that if you grew it inside your body, let it suck up your insides, then pushed it out of your vagina, you get to name it.

And truly, I think you did a stellar job, at least with the growing and pushing parts.

Beepdadeep This Just In

2009-05-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of old fashioned - I feel like I should find out about my new nephew through a phone call from the family, not a status update on facebook. A status update that I was the ELEVENTH person, and only immediate family member, to comment on.

I'm not mad, but a dramatic eye-roll is not entirely out of the question.

Oh, this reminds me - I did say I might post about nieces and nephews, and why people don't just let me give them better names...

Soon, grasshopper. Have patience.

When You Feel As Fine As You Look

2009-05-03T17:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the annual Procession of the Species in Bellingham.

And then Spencer made veggie tacos.

The end.

All Fall Down

2009-05-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today Chrissy, Adia, and I went to the Bellingham Farmers Market, which is a Saturday event April through December.

We bought honey straws from this place. The man in the background is at a different booth. It was either for reanimating the dead, or massage. I think probably the former, because the guy with the gray ponytail is obviously a sorcerer.

Chilling to some tunes as he sells his wares.

Are feet compostable?

A cappella group. Like BYU with facial hair.

This is Chrissy juggling, not Chrissy balancing a ball on her head. That's just the magic of my photography skillz.

Lay All Your Troubles On The Wheels

2009-04-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

Today I'm doing terribly exciting things like laundry and balancing my checkbook. I would post pictures, but I don't want to induce any heart attacks with the pure adrenaline rush they would cause.

So.

Yesterday I went to the Fairhaven district with my sister-in-law, Chrissy, and her adorable elf-child, Adia. Fairhaven is the touristy part of town, but it's cute and nice and reminds me a little of Princeton, only minus some of the pretension.

Like it or not, Chrissy and Adia (and my brother, Spencer) are probably going to be a regular feature here.

Let's see how many pictures of Chrissy's derriere end up on this blog.

Cupcakes: check. Always important to know. And at the bottom of the picture you can see a sign for Rebecca's Flower Shoppe. It's good to know there's a Rebecca out there doing an honest day's work.

I can't decide whether the fake people on the top deck of the bus are charming or creepy, but I love them either way.

Take A Tiara If You Must

2009-04-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

My day, in 4 words: Walking, food, birthdays, lesbians.

I took some pictures of the walking and the food.

A delectable southwest veggie burger with sweet potato fries at Fiamma Burger in downtown Bellingham. Even their straws are compostable.

The walk from downtown Bellingham to the Fairhaven district:

This picture is pretty is pretty self-explanatory. No, Chrissy isn't tossing her cookies. She is obviously calling to the mermaids to come up so Adia can see them.

The Games We Played Till Now

2009-04-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

Today's mission: Pictures.

Mission: ...accomplished?

Only in the very loosest sense of what accomplishment means. I had planned to be out and about in Downtown Bellingham today, but ended up being at Costco and Chrissy's house. Worthy places, indeed, but not so much for their aesthetically pleasing qualities. (Note: Chrissy is very aesthetically pleasing, but posting a bunch of pictures of her would be weird, and I'm not filling my blog up with pictures of her house or Costco.)

But I did get a few pictures.

This is The Black Drop, a local coffee shop. It's cute and small and looks kind of run-down, but in a charming way.

I am seriously appalled at how much I pine over fancy lattes. I want to give them up completely because they're expensive and not exactly healthy, but I don't want to give them up because I eat them up, I love them so. I'm also a little appalled at how early a lot of coffee shops here close. 7? Really? I want to come and write until it's dark! I don't even get UP until 7! (Complete and utter nonsense. I'm not a rockstar, and I do not behave like one, except that one hotel room I trashed and when I do lines in public bathrooms with c-notes pretty much all the time.)

This is Henderson Books.

The day I moved into my new place I just wandered around trying not to cry because I felt really overwhelmed. By my life, not by the books. Although the books? Overwhelming. It's like a maze inside. Apparently there's some bookstore somewhere - Portland? Seattle? I forget. But they actually give you a map when you go in. This place doesn't have maps. But I think maybe it should.

This might be the back of the tiny movie theatre in town. I'm not really sure, but I like the mural on the wall.

Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Long-Lived

2009-04-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

Initiation.

The accepted rite seems to be introducing oneself and giving a brief justification for starting a blog. I think I would prefer something like tagging, or setting a cat on fire. (Calm down - I'm kidding. I only set humans on fire.)

I am Rebecca. The name of the blog is almost an anagram of my name - I just like "owl" better than "scowl." Although I do tend to look scowly much of the time.

Person: Hey, Rebecca, what's wrong?
Me: Nothing's wrong - that's just my face. Geez.

The justification for starting this blog is that I recently moved from New Jersey to Bellingham, WA, for no reason whatsoever except that I felt like I was treading water in NJ, only metaphorically. It would have been better if I'd been treading water literally, because hell if I didn't become the laziest fatass ever.

Things I might write about later:

-I started dreaming again almost as soon as I moved here.
-I am suddenly able to write, which I could not seem to do AT ALL in Jersey (important only because I studied playwriting in college, so not being able to write = brain death).
-Living in communism. Just kidding. Sort of.
-The center from which all queerness comes. (That is a reference to Lord of the Rings, not the scary contagious Gay.)
-Nieces and nephews and why people don't just let me give them better names.

As per my good friend Elizabeth's request, I plan to post as many pictures as I can stand (or as many as I can remember to take). I'm not much of a picture-taker (wait, there's a word for that? "Photographer," you say? No, that can't be right...) - I've been in Bellingham for a month now and have taken nary a picture. I was going to take some today, but...didn't happen. Because I forgot my camera. But I thought my initiatory post ought to have a picture, and not just any picture, but one taken in Bellingham. And since I DETEST pictures of myself, I thought I should obviously put one up on my blog - a fitting initiation humiliation, I think. So here it is - a picture taken in Bellingham. From my computer. In my bedroom. You're welcome.